THE BOYFRIEND’S GUIDE TO TELEVISION

Nothing’s sweeter than cuddling up on the couch with your girlfriend/wife to watch some television at night. Unfortunately, unless you live in a home with multiple TV’s (or your woman doesn’t mind if you ditch her), there’s a good chance you’ll be forced to watch a show you’d never entertain otherwise. I can’t give you back your masculinity – or the remote – but what I can do is make it totally, 100% kosher to zone out and still sound like you’re paying attention.

This is the introduction of another recurring feature on Miss Wingman called “The Boyfriend’s Guide to Television,” where I provide you with some handy dandy phrases and insights into her favorite estrogen-fueled shows. That way, when she tries to engage you in a discussion, you have some chick programming ammo at the ready. Meanwhile, you’re free to check college basketball scores on your phone when she’s not looking. See? Everybody wins.

Since today is Tuesday – otherwise known as that day after 72 straight hours of football awesomeness – she’ll probably want to watch “Glee.” What the hell is Glee, you ask? It’s basically like those “High School Musical” movies, only instead of Disney kids there’s a formerly-pregnant girl, some slutty cheerleaders, an awesome kid in a wheelchair and a guy who makes us all want to be hip hop dancing Asians. Basically, it rocks – and this is coming from a girl who usually hates shows like this. Here’s the useful part:

If your girlfriend says: “I liked the New Directions better when Mercedes and Santana were in it.”

You say: “Yeah, but it’s nice to see Mercedes out from behind Rachel Berry’s shadow this season.”

If she says: “I can’t believe Blaine left his school to go to McKinley with Kurt.”

You say: “Maybe he got sick of wearing those blazers. The Warblers are lost without him.”

If she’s a Brittany fan and says: “I’d like to see her get back together with Artie.”

You say: “It’s OK, she still has Lord Tubbington. Speaking of which, isn’t she due for another episode of ‘Fondue for Two’ soon?”

Finally, if she catches you off guard on a character you’ve never heard of, just say: “Whatever, Sue Sylvester is the funniest one anyway. Without Jane Lynch this show would be lame.”

Huh? Don’t ask. That’s it in a nutshell, your key to enduring an hour of cover music sung by the football team captain and some kid with a fauxhawk. As far as her shows go, you could do a lot worse than having to sit through “Glee.” And, if you have a request for the next installment of this feature, email misswingman@gmail.com. Until then, stay tuned. And don’t forget to set your DVR. ETIQUETTE WINGMAN

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