In this corner we have “Kurt” from Stamford, CT claiming that his girlfriend of three years is mad because he blew off their plans for some guy time. Playing the role of the antagonist is his girlfriend, who we will call “Sarah” to protect her identity (and keep Kurt from getting his ass kicked once this link makes its way back around to Sarah and her friends). The topic: Blowing off her friend/coworker’s holiday party in favor of some guy time (and coming home near-blackout drunk). Ready, set, duke it out…
The set up: “Last Saturday night, I was supposed to go to a holiday party thrown by my girlfriend’s friend, who also happens to be one of her bosses/supervisor at her ad agency (but not the awkward boss type, they were friends before she started working there). We’d discussed it a few weeks ago when she got the invitation, but then a few days before the party I found out one of my buddies was going to be in town visiting for the night.
I never get to hang with him (he lives on the west coast), and when I brought up possibly skipping the party my girlfriend made believe she was alright with it, but really I knew she was pissed that I wanted to bail. Regardless, I went out with my buddy anyway and she hit the party alone.
I told her I was sorry to be changing plans we’d already made, but that I didn’t know when I’d get to see my friend again and that I’d make it up to her. In fairness, I got really hammered while out that night, came home late, and the next day wound up hitting up the Giants game with him because he got an extra ticket at the last minute.
I apologized that she had to go to the party herself and that we couldn’t spend the day together, but when I got home Sunday night I took her out to dinner and asked how her night had gone. She was mad because she felt stupid being at the party alone and thought one night with my friend was enough – she didn’t understand why I had to go to the game, too?
I apologized for the holiday party thing (and for coming home wasted) but don’t think I did anything wrong as far as Sunday was concerned. But, she’s still really annoyed. I made time for her, plus if she really didn’t want me to go she should’ve said something, right? Why pretend that I’m not going to be on your sh*t list if you know full well you’re just going to punish me after? I think I handled it well, but she’s still freezing me out. Miss Wingman, am I wrong?“
Having people in from out of town is grounds for bowing out (albeit last minute), on top of the fact that it shouldn’t have mattered if she went to her party alone if she knew tons of people there. If she felt like it looked bad because it was thrown by her boss, I get that. But, since her boss is more of a drinking buddy he/she should’ve thought nothing of your absence.
Further, if your boyfriend goes out with a buddy he never gets to see, it pretty much goes without saying that he’ll come home in rough shape after a night of car bombs and Jameson shots. This should not have shocked her. As for blowing her off on Sunday, you did manage to scrape together enough energy to take her to dinner after all of that, and for that you should get some credit.
That said, even if it wasn’t shocking, not getting to spend time with you was probably disappointing for her (maybe she was looking forward to hitting that party with you for a while, ever think of that?). So, give her a day or two for this to blow over, and I’m sure it will.
A big pet peeve is when anyone (though primarily it’s women) say one thing but mean another. If she really was not okay with you dipping out, don’t put on a happy face and then hold it against you later. That’s hardly fair. But, on the flip side, you sound like you knew she’d be mad about it and went anyway. You’re entitled to do what you want, but it can’t be considered misleading if you can read between the lines anyway. Sounds like you just didn’t want to have that conversation beforehand, but then got stuck with bitterness on the back end.
It just goes to show that the truth shall always set you free – be honest please. And ladies, don’t expect your man to be a mind reader, either. You win this one, Kurt, but just remember next time to hold your ground ahead of time. Avoiding confrontation is the quickest way to draw it out even longer.
Have something you’d like to say? Been in a similar situation? Disagree with me completely? Email firstname.lastname@example.org for feedback or future editions of “Am I Wrong?” And remember guys, you don’t always have to resign yourself to taking all of the blame, but “I’m sorry” can go a long way.