COUPLES WITH JOINT FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS: CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’RE WHIPPED

Let’s face it, social media is to relationships what the Big Bad Wolf was to the Three Little Pigs’ houses – if not built of something strong, any old breeze can topple them to the ground. So, with the creation of Facebook granting people access to everyone they could ever want to reconnect with (or it’s more accurate description, “All of the people you never got the chance to sleep with in high school”) provides a never ending supply of opportunities for bad behavior.

It’s no surprise, then, that some couples are reticent to have each other’s Facebook profile out there for the world – and potential romantic interests – to see. So, they swing to the opposite end of the trust spectrum and opt for a joint account, like SarahandJason (Fill in a last name here). Two people, one “We’re Just So Happy That We’ve Sacrificed Our Own Individuality” profile. Bleh, no thanks.

Congratulations, men, if your woman makes you one half of this social media merger, you’ve just admitted to everyone you know that you’re pretty much whipped. But, among the litany of issues that have just been uncovered, that one’s the least of your worries. The bigger problem is that you don’t trust each other.

No man would willingly choose this mashup unless goaded into it by a woman worrying that his natural behavioral tendency might get him into trouble without supervision. It’s a sad state of affairs. Call me crazy, though, I don’t want to act as mother or police officer to any man I’m dating, that’s not my job. And it’s not hot, either.

Still, increasing the volume of opportunities to stray increases the likelihood that your significant other could one day have a moment of weakness, I can’t deny that. But the amount of temptation or access to new people only matters when it comes to fidelity if one or both of you hasn’t fully matured yet, in which case you’ll definitely make mistakes you’ll think better of down the line.That’s not a prediction, it’s an inevitability.

Let me be clear: just because I said volume and access *shouldn’t* matter, doesn’t mean that they don’t. I’m a realist, after all. Following that logic, sites like Facebook open a Pandora’s Box of trouble, but only if your relationship is lacking something to begin with – communication, validation, sex, whatever. You wouldn’t look for others to satisfy something if you were 100% fulfilled. Why go elsewhere for what you can get at home, after all?

One could argue that people cheat out of boredom, but I disagree. People cheat because something is missing – and it’s not always something missing from their partner, often it’s missing inside themselves (back to the maturity thing). Or, you’re just a really inconsiderate person, but let’s hope it’s the former.

If you’re on solid ground, women could hit you up all day long telling you how great you look, friend requesting you, or dangling photos of their summer at the beach and, if you were in a committed relationship, you might engage briefly. But eventually you’d put an end to the banter, for fear of losing something more important as a result (one would hope, at least). Momentary bursts of flattery or excitement are human, but if you really love the one you’re with, she’ll be sharply in focus, while everyone else is blurry.

I’m not entirely unsympathetic to the cause, however. Being nervous about the stability of one’s relationship is normal. But if your love is that easily rattled, then maybe it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be in the first place. Further, if you have to wonder if your significant other is exchanging messages with, chatting up or flirting with those who present competition for you, why would you be with someone like that in the first place?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: If I can’t trust you or have to make excuses and/or explanations for your behavior, I just don’t date you. Flat-out, simple as that. I wish that every female lived like that, we’d all appear a hell of a lot less crazy as a group that way. I’ll reiterate that this philosophy means that you don’t ever have to be possessive, jealous or the least bit controlling of someone’s time, because when he (or she) isn’t with you, you don’t automatically think they’re up to no good.

Granted, if your relationship is open enough that you’d share Facebook or email passwords regardless, or if only one of you has a (single name) account but both parties log onto it (as I know couples who do, totally fine), that’s one thing. But it’s not really who I’m addressing.

Further, I’ve found one notable exception to the “How Does It Feel To Be Whipped?” rule, and that is when the couples have been married for decades or are our parents’ age. For this population, joint accounts are sometimes a result of being less-than tech savvy, or just plain having the exact same group of friends after all that time. They’re the exception, not the rule.

The fact is, there will always be someone out there better looking than you. Someone with cooler hair, more chiseled abs, longer legs, a nicer car or a bigger bank account. And, they will probably be on Facebook, too. But if you try to compete with them for the sake of hanging onto your significant other, you’ll run yourself ragged. And you’ll never find any peace.

When choosing a girlfriend, wife (or husband to turn the tables on you boys a bit) common sense dictates that you need to love them for the thing that no one else has to offer but them – the thing that you’re lucky enough to have been shown, and with which they have entrusted you.

Until you find that game-changer, you might end up tangling with a whole lot of Miss Wrongs or, in the case of joint Facebook accounts, a whole lot of Miss I’m-Trying-To-Change-You’s. Whatever your relationship status, remember: there are lots of things in life that are wonderful to share. But please don’t let your profile be one of them.THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

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8 thoughts on “COUPLES WITH JOINT FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS: CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’RE WHIPPED

  1. I have to say i completely agree with this post. I am going through something related to this topic. Well, not me, but my ex fiance. He proposed to me only 2 months after knowing me. I moved to his hometown for work and we met at work. I lost my job and he got relocated to another state, so i had to move back home (another country) until things got more settled and we had to do long distance. He lived at one of the company’s house so i couldn’t visit him there. First month was ok. After that he started to “forget” to call and didn’t have time to talk with me, it continued and continued….Eventually i got fed up and we broke up. 3 weeks later he was already dating another girl whom i didn’t know even existed. 4 months later they were engaged. Few months later married. They both had their own faceboook account, hers was new though. Then out of nowhere both accounts were deleted. Just a few days ago curiosity hit me and i found they had opened a joined account,,hmmm,,kind of odd i would say (i know i sound like a psycho for spying on them, but hey i got hurt pretty badly)…my guess is that things aren’t so perfect between them,,who knows,,but whenever i see a situation like that i assume there are trust issues. I agree that when you do find someone completely right for you, you don’t even have the need to be extra careful when it comes to your relationship and trust,,so here is hoping i will find that person sometime down the road :-)

  2. Pingback: Shared Facebook accounts: in or bin?

  3. What an absolutely idiotic post. I’m a husband who suggested a joint account without any suggestions from my wife. You know why? Cause I care about my marriage. Facebook and social media were cited in over 80% of divorce cases in 2012 alone. It leaves a window of temptation and for the wrong people to contact you. Protecting your marriage doesn’t make you less of a man and no thanks to your mentality of what a ‘man’ is. I’ll take valuing my marriage and having zero to hide over your suggestions. You think people do this cause they’re whipped but in actuality, they do it cause theyre smarter and value their marriage and unlike the majority, do what they can to protect it and don’t do something stupid to put themselves in a dangerous situation where mistakes could be made.

    Hopefully, you’ll learn it’s the complete opposite of what you suggest. More couples should do it.

  4. I take exception to your arguments on two grounds. 1- my wife and I share so much in common with grown kids and their families, same social circles and similar backgrounds that it makes sense to just combine it all. 2- my individuality is not defined by my profile in Facebook.

  5. I have to disagree with your post. The only reason my husband and I share an account is because we have the same mutual friends, and family members. The main reason being that he never logged into his account and would post stuff to friends pages on my account which made things confusing lol so we just added his name to mine. No big deal. No trust issues here!

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