ONLINE DATING HORROR STORY OF THE WEEK: A HORRIFYING DEPARTURE

It’s good to be back, Wingman faithful. It’s been a minute since our last ODHSOTW. Sorry for the acronym, chalk it up to Friday laziness. My California adventures threw a monkey wrench into things, but now we’re back on course.

Today I offer you a bit of a different spin on this feature. It’s not so much an online dating horror story, but rather a regular dating horror story. No…make that THE WORST STORY I’VE EVER HEARD. For real, you’ll agree once you read it.

This particular tale was sent to me by a friend who “read this and thought of me” and for some reason (which, in hindsight, I don’t think can be good) suggested it for the site. So, now I’m passing it along to horrify share with all of you. I know it’s a long read, but please don’t let that deter you. Or the nauseatingly graphic details the writer includes throughout (I’ll never look at eggplants again the same way). Seriously, it’s like a car accident – once you get involved, you can’t avert your eyes.

My only commentary about this story is that I will never, ever complain about all of the unfair anatomical problems women endure ever again. After reading this, you men win. Hands down. If this ever happened to you or someone you know, may God have mercy on your soul.

Also – and here’s where the spoiler alert comes in, so stop reading if you haven’t clicked on the story yet – I’m genuinely sad that they didn’t end up together. I guess it just goes to show that even though people usually use sex to avoid real intimacy, if you take that out of the equation and are forced to get to know one another, you may not be any better off in the end. Either that or the minute he said he might be moving, all she heard was “You are potentially going to break my heart” so she closed up shop and moved on. As women have a tendency to do.

In any case, read this on your lunch break. Read it on the commute home. Whatever. Just brace yourself first, this one will stick with you.THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

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