WHY WOMEN MAKE WAY BETTER CHEATERS THAN MEN

Far be it from me to jump on the Internet trolling bandwagon, but there’s a story that bears commenting on – nay, correcting. In case you haven’t seen NY Magazine’s “Confessions Of A Serial Cheater (Who’s About To Get Married)” because it didn’t come wrapped in a blanket and carried by two royals, here’s what you missed:

Guy admits to cheating in all but one of his relationships. Guy explains how he went about cheating on his current fiancee with over 20 women. Promises he’d never cheat on a spouse or if kids were involved. Says he’s done with philandering since putting a ring on it. World freaks out. The end.

But here’s the thing: no one should be surprised by this story. Not because he’s not a Grade A, Certified D-bag, but because he didn’t say anything especially shocking. In fact, I’d have been more impressed if the serial cheater in question was female. That’s a story.

But it got me to thinking…. If it was a chick doing the bed hopping, and PS, the stuff I’m privy to hearing as a relationship writer would f**king shock you – women are more than capable of it – what might she have done differently?

So, I give you 4 solid reasons why shady ass women make better cheaters than men.

Exploiting the handicap. For some reason, dudes of the world have it in their heads that women are less sexual, therefore incapable of having detached, emotionless flings (“sport f**king,” if you will). This may be true for the majority of women, but for women with loose morals and a healthy libido, the She’d-Never-Do-That mentality coupled with a bottomless supply of men ready to bump uglies means it’s pretty much open season.

We rationalize better. Ever heard a woman justify buying a handbag that costs half her paycheck? Yeah. Broads can talk our way out of anything.

Also, we’d never rely on a bullshit excuse like “there’s such thing as respectful infidelity,” like the dude in the article. No there isn’t, dick. Cheating is fundamentally disrespectful, even if you don’t spend the night or go downtown on any of your conquests.

Sodahead

Sodahead

You know what there is such a thing as, though? Being a total puss. And not being able to sac up and admit your indiscretions before you walk down the aisle so that she can decide whether she still wants to take that stroll with you is a b***h move, bro.

Whistle blowers. Whereas guys are more apt to cover up their buddy’s cheating or keep silent, women would only be able to tolerate such skank-tastic behavior for so long before we got all judge-y and blew up their spot.

I’m not saying that the cheater wouldn’t deserve a public flogging, I’m just saying that women are judgmental as all hell. Fear of being shamed by our female peers or branded a slut (a HUGE double standard, if I might add) would be enough to make her the stealthiest cheater on planet earth. There’d be no trace evidence. And finally…

Because your guard is down. Women – even evolved, sane women – are perpetually on the lookout for infidelity, or for b****es trying to roll up on their man. Even if they generally trust their boyfriend, fiancee or husband, it’s other women they don’t trust. Guys, on the other hand, don’t default to DEFCON 1 paranoia levels, so we’d have to be pretty careless for you to catch on.

Plus, all it takes is for her to tell you she was at a book club/yoga class/discussing “The Bachelorette” with friends over drinks and you’d be so desperate to not hear the recap that you wouldn’t even question the alibi. It’s as simple (and sad) as that.

So the next time people want to wax self-righteous about cheating, we’d do well to remind ourselves that yes, it is despicable, but the serial infidelity door can swing both ways. It’s just way more likely to come back and hit you in the face than it is us.THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

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