NOW YOU CAN OUTSOURCE YOUR PROPOSAL… IF YOU’RE A TERRIBLE PERSON.

marriage-proposal

There are few things in life that, no matter how much money you have, you should really just do yourself. Like wiping your own arse (classy, I know), writing someone’s eulogy or, you know, PLANNING A WEDDING PROPOSAL.

Or, you can be lazy, thoughtless and entitled and pay a woman like this up to $10,000 to do it for you. That’s right, if you just can’t be bothered to think up a sufficiently overblown, inauthentic way to ask your beloved to marry you, now you can punt that job to a total stranger.

How. Fucking. Romantic.

So who is this proposal planner for hire? Sorry fellas, I find the idea of men who would do this even more unsavory than a woman who would be opportunistic enough to make a career out of it, so I’m not going to plug her any more than I have already. But I will say that the blame isn’t solely hers. If there wasn’t a market out there of men who don’t feel inspired or impassioned enough to put some thought behind asking someone the most important request of their lives, then we wouldn’t even be discussing this story. Sadly, though, this service is in demand.

So why the Miss Wingman tirade? Why the disdain? The problem with dudes hiring someone else to plan their wedding proposal is that it takes everything that’s intimate and personal out of one of the most momentous occasions in a woman’s life (and hopefully, a man’s too.) Even the least romantic, least sentimental chicks among us have daydreamed about what it would be like when the person we love takes a knee and pops that box open.

We envision you thinking about it ahead of time, orchestrating just the right moment and incorporating something that’s unique to our relationship. Something meaningful, that helps you convey how you feel about us. Not farming it out like dry cleaning.

We do not, however, envision you cutting a check to some Hitch-meets-Olivia-Pope lady and her “team” after answering a lengthy survey about our likes and interests. Seriously, gentlemen, set the bar higher. Not flash mob higher, sincerity higher. So, if you’re inclined to jump on the “engagement season” bandwagon any time soon (Vom.It.), heed this advice: it’s only special if it seems so quintessentially you. And authenticity trumps pageantry any day.ETIQUETTE WINGMAN

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