Because seriously, even if you’re genuinely happy with your life (as Miss Wingman is, more so this year than ever), the one day on the calendar when other people’s coupledom makes us more uncomfortable than that Kim and Kanye motorcycle video can still, well, suck.
Or, at least just blot it all out until you can safely wake up and it’ll be the 15th. Either way.
1. Stay off social media. Hear me? Stay the fuck off of social media. And if you’re reading this via Facebook, close it (as soon as you’re done.) Unless you like seeing 400 photos of floral arrangements and dinners with the caption “Best boyfriend/girlfriend EVER!!!!” underneath it. Or worse, the dreaded newly-adorned ring finger picture.
*Miss Wingman note: Yes, we are truly happy for you, but seeing this on Instagram makes me want to upload a digit picture of my own…only featuring a different finger.
3. Treat yo’ self. All that money you’d normally be spending on a significant other today? Use it to buy yourself something nice, like a massage, that sweater you’ve been eyeing, or just some really expensive booze.
4. Drink. (And eat. At all of these places.)
6. Find small friends. Know who’s awesome on Valentine’s Day? Kids. FaceTime your nieces, nephews or friends’ kids and let them remind you how much it rocks to be little on a sugar-centric holiday.
7. Move here. Normally, I loathe everything that comes out of the state of Georgia, but for this, I’ll make an exception.
8. Drink. Not because you’re single, but because it’s Friday.
9. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind your life. Out with the old, in with deleting your exes from Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and (gasp!) your phone. Sounds extreme? I thought so too – at first. But actually, it feels really, really good.
10. Get excited. For the possibility of who (or what)’s to come. Because you may not have everything you want in your life yet, but at least you don’t have the WRONG things. And that’s more than a lot of people can say.
11. Do something awesome. True story, I actually said these words to a friend who recently asked me about my Valentine’s Day plans: “I just want to shoot at some stuff, then get fucked up, is that bad?” As in, I wanted to hit the range and then hit the bars – but the look on her face (coupled with her “Um, I think you’re a dude” comment) told me that my taste isn’t for everyone. Point being, find something you love, whether it be hitting the slopes, live music or binge-watching Netflix, and just do it. Unapologetically, because you can.
And if those plans fall through, you can always…