So forgive the departure from my usual dating advice, but here are the 10 words & phrases that, while once alive and well, should now die a slow and painful Internet death. (Sorry, millenials.)
Sorry not sorry. This sounds like something a 15-year-old girl would say while applying lipgloss in her locker mirror. It’s more infantile than DGAF. In any case, unless you’re telling someone that Wednesdays are for wearing pink, and sweatpants mean you can’t sit with us, maybe let this one die. (“Gretchen, stop trying to make ‘Fetch’ happen. It’s not going to happen.”)
Sorry, couldn’t resist.
You guys… Are all 856 people you just sent that update/Tweet out to on your speed dial? Are they your besties? Because if not, presenting your thoughts like this sounds like we should be braiding each others’ hair and sending out snapchats while we discuss.
That moment when… I’ll admit it. I’ve used this one in a “That moment when you realize you had a sticker stuck to your ass after you’ve walked 20 blocks in public”-kind of way. But still, much like the “Dear (so and so), blah blah blah short revelation. Love, me” status update that people adore so much, for some reason, when this one gets stale, it gets really, really stale.
______ is everything. Paging Rachel Zoe, half of the writers at US Weekly, and, like, every fashion blogger in America. Posting “OMG, this GIF of Jennifer Lawrence in Chanel is everything!” is not only inaccurate, it’s depressing. Because if that shit really is everything, then I’ll be forced to tap out now, thanks.
…said no one, ever. I mean, I’m just spitballing here, but if no one ever said that sarcastic/ironic thing you just pointed out, then maybe you shouldn’t, either?
Epic. The only overused word I despise more than “twerk.” Was that story about your night of drinking/five-tiered cheeseburger/the backflip some guy just did composed like a lengthy Greek narrative? Did it involve someone named Odysseus? No? Then you’re using it wrong, brah. And it probably wasn’t as awesome as you think.
‘Murica, Errrday, or any general misuse of the letter “r.” This may be kind of insensitive, but did you just have a stroke? Is the “r” key on your keyboard stuck? Because those are the only excuses for talking like you’re Lil’ Wayne after too much sizzurp. Also, stay away from that purple drank, kids.
Farm-to-table. Don’t misunderstand, I’m all for the idea of buying fresh, locally grown, not mass produced food. But this phrase, while culinarily accurate, just can’t help but sound… a little douchey. Like, I get it, I just think if you use these words in combination, there better be a man in overalls holding a pitchfork hand delivering me my dinner.
Content anything (creation, strategist, etc), crowdsourcing, or any other media buzzword people use that may or may not sound like a made up job. And no, I will not donate to your Kickstarter. And finally…
Cronut. Because seriously, shut the eff up about cronuts already.