THE NEW DATING APP FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO KILL THEIR CHANCES.

Fact: Most people aren’t funny. Or overly charming – in under 30 seconds at least. And yet, newly released dating app Charm is ignoring that fundamental truth and insisting upon replacing traditional profile photos with Vine-like selfie videos. So, potential daters who’re trying to be charm-ing (hey-o!) in mere seconds can now fail miserably and in color. Awesome idea.

The rationale behind the switch from still pixels to moving video is that now users can avoid the rampant misrepresentation so often associated with outdated photos on dating sites. Thus, if you’ve gone from looking like Jon Hamm to John Goodman in the past few years, you’re out of luck, bro. To see what I’m talking about, watch the clip below.

Also, WHY THE EFF IS EVERYONE ON THERE 12? Do college sophomores and juniors need to be on a dating site? What happened to good old fashioned meet people at a keg party, friend them on Facebook, have sloppy hook up sex then delete them? Jesus, kids, you’re doing it wrong.

But I digress. My biggest problem with the app is that its creators have clearly overestimated the public’s ability to not be hopeless tools on this platform. So, unless you’re attracted to people who look like they’re the next contestant on “America’s Got No Talent Or Sense Of Humor,” you’ll likely be as underwhelmed by your offerings as I was when I watched some of these videos. With my eyes covered. And my lunch bubbling up.

If what’s made apps like Tinder a success is the casual, not overly personal feel to it, then Charm is going in the wrong direction entirely – because nothing’s more intimate than attempting to twerk or lip sync to Drake for total strangers.

The site’s tag line, “Because you are so much more than a profile pic,” may be well-intentioned, but I think the traditional look-hot-and-don’t-talk approach was working just fine before this, thank you very much. True, people definitely are so much more than their photos, but at least a profile pic doesn’t make you sit through all the lyrics to Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball.”THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

 

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