INSINCERE WINGMAN: THE MOVE 39% OF WOMEN DO THAT THEY DON’T REALLY MEAN

In a perfect world, we’d all find true love, work at places like this (best. company. ever.), Matsui would be a Yankee again, and Ryan Gosling would have me on speed dial.

But, reality can suck sometimes. Which means our expectations aren’t always met, and on occasion, people behave disingenuously. Case in point, a recent study by the American Sociological Association entitled “Who Pays for Dates? Following vs Challenging Conventional Gender Norms” found that (gasp!) sometimes women do things that they don’t actually mean. Things like fake pulling out their wallet to fake offer to pay on a date even when 39% of them admit they’re hoping the man rejects the overture.

I know – worldview blown. Next thing you know the brain trust at some think tank’s going to tell you that women don’t actually like entitled A-holes, either (despite their fancy banker duds.)

After you stop reeling from the shock of it all, I’d like to call your attention to two noteworthy points in this uber groundbreaking story (you win the Duh Award, Slate.)

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Firstly, we’ve been over this before, gentlemen. You know my position on who pays. (“hashtag” #dontbecheap.) Also PLEASE STOP SAYING HASHTAG OUT LOUD.

But just in case you need a refresher…

And secondly: wait, exactly how many PhD’s did it take to determine that gender-based attitudes have evolved on some things (like women in the workplace), but not others (like what a man’s chivalrous responsibility is on a date)?

Bitch please. You don’t need a panel of experts and 17,000 survey applicants to figure that out. Drinks with four of my best girlfriends would’ve told you the same thing.ETIQUETTE WINGMAN

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