Let’s face it, social media is to relationships what the Big Bad Wolf was to the Three Little Pigs’
houses – if not built of something strong, any old breeze can topple them to the ground. So, with the creation of Facebook
granting people access to everyone they could ever want to reconnect with (or it’s more accurate description, “All of the people you never got the chance to sleep with in high school”) provides a never ending supply of opportunities for bad behavior.
It’s no surprise, then, that some couples are reticent to have each other’s Facebook profile out there for the world – and potential romantic interests – to see. So, they swing to the opposite end of the trust spectrum and opt for a joint account, like SarahandJason (Fill in a last name here). Two people, one “We’re Just So Happy That We’ve Sacrificed Our Own Individuality” profile. Bleh, no thanks.
Congratulations, men, if your woman makes you one half of this social media merger, you’ve just admitted to everyone you know that you’re pretty much whipped. But, among the litany of issues that have just been uncovered, that one’s the least of your worries. The bigger problem is that you don’t trust each other.
No man would willingly choose this mashup unless goaded into it by a woman worrying that his natural behavioral tendency might get him into trouble without supervision. It’s a sad state of affairs. Call me crazy, though, I don’t want to act as mother or police officer to any man I’m dating, that’s not my job. And it’s not hot, either.
Still, increasing the volume of opportunities to stray increases the likelihood that your significant other could one day have a moment of weakness, I can’t deny that. But the amount of temptation or access to new people only matters when it comes to fidelity if one or both of you hasn’t fully matured yet, in which case you’ll definitely make mistakes you’ll think better of down the line.That’s not a prediction, it’s an inevitability.
Let me be clear: just because I said volume and access *shouldn’t* matter, doesn’t mean that they don’t. I’m a realist, after all. Following that logic, sites like Facebook open a Pandora’s Box of trouble, but only if your relationship is lacking something to begin with – communication, validation, sex, whatever. You wouldn’t look for others to satisfy something if you were 100% fulfilled. Why go elsewhere for what you can get at home, after all?
One could argue that people cheat out of boredom, but I disagree. People cheat because something is missing – and it’s not always something missing from their partner, often it’s missing inside themselves (back to the maturity thing). Or, you’re just a really inconsiderate person, but let’s hope it’s the former.
If you’re on solid ground, women could hit you up all day long telling you how great you look, friend requesting you, or dangling photos of their summer at the beach and, if you were in a committed relationship, you might engage briefly. But eventually you’d put an end to the banter, for fear of losing something more important as a result (one would hope, at least). Momentary bursts of flattery or excitement are human, but if you really love the one you’re with, she’ll be sharply in focus, while everyone else is blurry.
I’m not entirely unsympathetic to the cause, however. Being nervous about the stability of one’s relationship is normal. But if your love is that easily rattled, then maybe it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be in the first place. Further, if you have to wonder if your significant other is exchanging messages with, chatting up or flirting with those who present competition for you, why would you be with someone like that in the first place?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: If I can’t trust you or have to make excuses and/or explanations for your behavior, I just don’t date you. Flat-out, simple as that. I wish that every female lived like that, we’d all appear a hell of a lot less crazy as a group that way. I’ll reiterate that this philosophy means that you don’t ever have to be possessive, jealous or the least bit controlling of someone’s time, because when he (or she) isn’t with you, you don’t automatically think they’re up to no good.
Granted, if your relationship is open enough that you’d share Facebook or email passwords regardless, or if only one of you has a (single name) account but both parties log onto it (as I know couples who do, totally fine), that’s one thing. But it’s not really who I’m addressing.
Further, I’ve found one notable exception to the “How Does It Feel To Be Whipped?” rule, and that is when the couples have been married for decades or are our parents’ age. For this population, joint accounts are sometimes a result of being less-than tech savvy, or just plain having the exact same group of friends after all that time. They’re the exception, not the rule.
The fact is, there will always be someone out there better looking than you. Someone with cooler hair, more chiseled abs, longer legs, a nicer car or a bigger bank account. And, they will probably be on Facebook, too. But if you try to compete with them for the sake of hanging onto your significant other, you’ll run yourself ragged. And you’ll never find any peace.
When choosing a girlfriend, wife (or husband to turn the tables on you boys a bit) common sense dictates that you need to love them for the thing that no one else has to offer but them – the thing that you’re lucky enough to have been shown, and with which they have entrusted you.
Until you find that game-changer, you might end up tangling with a whole lot of Miss Wrongs or, in the case of joint Facebook accounts, a whole lot of Miss I’m-Trying-To-Change-You’s. Whatever your relationship status, remember: there are lots of things in life that are wonderful to share. But please don’t let your profile be one of them.