Happy MLB Opening Day, Wingman faithful! Since this day makes me almost as giddy as March Madness at large, and since everyone’s brackets have long since been shot to hell anyway, I thought I’d shift my focus to America’s favorite pastime. No, not baseball – proposing at a baseball game.

Because every girl dreams of the most romantic moment of her life being staged at a place where your feet stick to the floor and the line for the ladies room is roughly 45 women deep. Naturally.

Even though Miss Wingman has extolled the virtues of how NOT to propose before (many times), if you absolutely must ignore my advice and put a ring on it during the 7th inning stretch, the folks at Swimmingly have broken down how much it will cost you to pop the question at every major league baseball stadium.

I know it’s called a baseball diamond, people, but perhaps we’re taking it a little too literally here.

Prices for a major league proposal range from $38.50 at the Pittsburgh Pirates’ PNC Park (not surprising, since Pittsburgh is pretty much the Keystone Light of baseball franchises), to $2,500 at Dodger Stadium or a $1,500 package offered by the Washington Nationals, who’re keeping the tradition alive of our nation’s capital absolutely screwing people, financially or otherwise. Keep it classy, L.A. And D.C. fans, may I suggest a Caps game instead…

Unless you and your beloved have some deep sentimental connection to the ball field, I fail to see how a supremely unoriginal proposal idea is worth any amount of money. But if you’re an Orioles, Royals, Blue Jays, Angels or Mets fan, you needn’t worry about it anyway, because proposals aren’t even offered on your home field.

Then again, if you’re a Mets fan, you’ve probably got bigger things to worry about. It would’ve been nice to see someone NOT strike out in your stadium for once, though. Maybe next year.GEEK WINGMAN

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Ahhhh summer. The time of year when the weather is finally cooperating, seasonal beers have reappeared (Brooklyn Summer Ale, anyone?) and people are busy getting hitched.

But first, they have to pop the question.

We’ve already gone over how daunting it can be for a woman to propose. And, there are no shortage of YouTube videos made by clever Romeos who’s romantic gestures have gone viral. Like movie trailer guy. Or over-the-top flash mob guy. And planning on hitting up a baseball or playoff game without those four little words gracing the JumboTron? Ha, fat chance.

But with so much at stake when you finally find the wingwoman of your dreams, you boys should remember to keep it simple – or at least drama free – when attempting to lock it down. Or else you could wind up like this latest guy, who’s just proven the point that any proposal that ends with needing to hire a metal detector service is a really, really bad idea.

The would-be groom in question, Dr. Steve Carr, thought it would be a charming idea to have his girlfriend accidentally stumble upon an engagement ring while playfully digging in the sand. So, he buried it at the beach.

And then forgot to mark it’s location.

The really scary thing about this story is that the dude is a brain surgeon. Like, an actual brain surgeon – I’m not kidding. (Insert way too easy punchline here). Also, they’re lucky that the ring was eventually found, since a dozen or so volunteers hadn’t even been able to unearth it on their own. The moral of the story?

Well for starters, don’t focus so hard on the “oh wow” factor, lest you end up with “oh shit” instead. Secondly, the woman in your life will probably be freaking out in greater measure than you will, so perfection isn’t necessary. Just choose some sincere words, tell her how much she means to you, and hope like hell that she says yes.ETIQUETTE WINGMAN

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